The book “Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World” by Dr. Michele Borba goes into detail about the fact that empathetic children are generally healthier, happier, and more successful than other, more self-centered children. It aims to answer the question, “how do I foster empathy in my child?” This is an especially relevant question in today’s society, where empathy in children is decreasing and rates of bullying are on the rise. With technology being a forefront in our lives today, self-interest has become the norm, causing a decrease in empathy that has resulted in bullying, cheating, and a lack of moral reasoning. It has also resulted in a mental-health epidemic in youth, who are struggling with increased rates of depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harming behaviors. Dr. Borba discusses ideas to help transform selfish attitudes into more caring and empathetic ones. She discusses what she refers to as the “empathy advantage,” and how it can be achieved by helping children develop habits that aim to strengthen their empathy.
Children have to be taught to understand and act with empathy, and in order to do so, must learn to be emotionally aware. Dr. Borba suggests giving children an emotional vocabulary that goes beyond simple emotions like “happy” and “sad”, and spending time teaching them to understand various emotional signals, including body language and facial expressions. This can be done through role-playing, while watching television, or even while reading a book. If your child is watching TV and a character expresses an emotion, ask them to explain how they can tell the character is feeling that emotion and ask your child if they have ever felt that emotion. This process will help the child recognize how that emotion affects them so that they can learn to empathize with others who are experiencing similar emotions. Another exercise that can be practiced while watching TV, role-playing, or in real life scenarios, is teaching your child to understand the perspective of others. It is critically important to help children understand the feelings and thoughts of others. This can be achieved by asking children how they think a character might feel in certain scenarios.
Self-regulation, cooperation, and kindness towards others are three skills that help kids utilize their empathetic ability. Dr. Borba stresses the importance of helping children develop strong moral identities and creative abilities by teaching them to value being the type of person who cares about others. Parents and caregivers should be modeling these skills at home by demonstrating selflessness, discussing moral issues, and expressing their own feelings with children. To help children learn about cooperation, it’s important for them to be able to associate their success with the success of others. Teamwork should be praised just as much as performance is.
There are a number of ways parents can assist children with building empathy, many of which are outlined in Dr. Borba’s book. If parents lead by example at home, children will be more likely to lead by example with their peers at school, daycare, or in other areas of their lives. By valuing, promoting, and practicing empathy themselves, parents can help children develop and grow their empathy and ultimately become happier, more successful, and more resilient.
Borba, M. (2017). Unselfie: Why empathetic kids succeed in our all-about-me world. New York, NY: Touchstone.
